I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
