Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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