the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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