I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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