Where did you get a picture of my penis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
