I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
