I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
