He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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