Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
