So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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