If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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