just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
