My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
