matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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