your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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