remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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