I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
