How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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