I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
