im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
