I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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