im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He has the fingertips of a God
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
