I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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