So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
