i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
