pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
