I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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