forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
