who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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