Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
