yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he was CRYING into my vagina
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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