Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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