apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
