went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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