hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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