I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
