this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
