i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
