I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
