I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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