i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
