i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
