thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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