Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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