You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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