is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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