It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
