cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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