i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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