i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
