even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
